Today is the last/first day that I will have a child of my own having their last/first day of school. I didn't get a picture, just like I haven't taken a picture for the last 4 years of his high school career because teaching 25 miles away requires me to leave earlier than he even wakes up for the day. But, I'm ok with that. I have 25 miles a day to think about stuff in the morning and today I thought about this...the last first day isn't about me being sad or mad at myself for not having those pictures. Seriously, I can take one tonight, post it and it wouldn't seem any different I suppose. Here is my thinking, this is about him, his independence, his forward moving steps toward adulthood, his ability to not need me for much of anything anymore (except for the laundry he likes to drop on the floor and some food), and his life beyond this household. I'm not saying I'm not sad about being an empty nester sooner than I feel prepared for, but I am saying I feel good about how he will be able to get out there, move beyond needing Ken and I for stuff, and for him to take on new challenges.

Am I ready for a senior? What choice do I really have? The alternative isn't an option. Who would really want to force their child to become less independent instead of more? Who wouldn't want their child to find their way to college and feed the passions they may not even know they have right now? If I wished my way back to their childhood, would I do things different? Certainly I would take back moments when I lost my temper with them, didn't play with them when they asked me to, or just the times I was a crappy wife and mom. I can't wish my mistakes away, I can learn from them and hopefully lead others in a way that they don't make the same mistakes I did, and most importantly be an example to my own kids to be good parents to their children some day. (Side note: I am probably going to be the greatest grandma in the world...just a future goal I have).

I didn't get the picture this morning, but I sure have my memories of my little boy, the one that I had to have a second surgery to even have the chance to have, the one that a doctor feared may have failure to thrive but thankfully didn't, the one that later on was so chubby he carried the nickname "Beefcake", the one that bravely walked into Engleman Elementary all by himself when we picked up and moved 3 weeks previous to the first day of school, the one who has Pars Defect, an extra vertebrae, some weird toe bone thing, and yet has worked to be a pretty great quarterback (in my humble opinion), and a kid that may be the quiet one in the room but is taking in all that is said and is very intuitive, can read people so well, and is one of the funniest people I know.

I'm excited for his senior year and I'm sure I'll shed a tear at graduation but I will absolutely try my best to treasure every moment I have watching him play football and basketball and whatever else he does this final year of high school.